Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Bivouac Jack from the Outback

I have an idea for a cool action figure: Bivouac Jack (from the Outback).

He is kind of like a cross between Crocodile Dundee and Steve Irwin, except more muscular with helicopters and shit. He carries a machete and wears a cool hat, and when you push the button on his back he slices with the machete, FWAP!

Since he is cool with all people (regardless of religion, creed, race, or sexual orientation) he has an aborigine sidekick named Pintupi. Kind of like Tonto was to the Lone Ranger, except without all that Kimosabe bullshit. Pintupi is an expert on native flora and fauna and can concoct poisons and medicines from whatever happens to be growing out of the ground at any given time. Blowdart gun sold separately.

Also since he is so smooth and handsome, he has a female sidekick named Sheila. She pilots his helicopter so he can jump out of it when he embarks on his badass exploits. Sheila is a stone cold fox, but they sleep in separate tents since this is a kid’s action figure and all. But when they make the PG-13 movie, the two will hook up.

And since he loves nature and whatnot, he has a Tasmanian tiger or wallaby or some such badass animal at his side who does whatever Jack wants. Sorta like Lassie was, except wilder. Like flipper. But on the land. And in Australia. Yeah! It should be a Tasmanian tiger because they are thought to be extinct, but some people say they are not. Tazzy should come with the Bivouac Jack action figure, but I reckon Sheila and Pintupi would be sold separately.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Truck Balls












Click image to see larger version.


I snapped this pic on my way to work the other day.
"Golly", I said to myself, "That truck sure has balls."
Actually, that wasn't what I said, I just shook my head.
I'm not a prude, nor am I even anti-redneck, but come on.
Those balls are dangling in public.
Nasty.

If you want some, you can buy them from this website that looked like it was designed in 1992 for the Mosaic browser:
http://www.bullsballs.com/
They even have "user pics", prefaced by the finely crafted statement:
Here is a Few Fine Rigs Sportin' our Balls:

Sigh.

Maybe I will duct tape a vagina to the rear bumper of my Subaru.

....

JM


Sunday, July 5, 2009

First Posting

I took this picture today in my yard, I swear I didn't manipulate the bugs in any way:

These two bugs were sitting at a bar...